Wednesday, March 15, 2017

mama thoughts

The other night I went to check on each of the kids before bed and instead of the routine quick check I stayed there a minute and watched each of them sleep for a minute. I watched their sweet, peaceful faces and listened to their calm, rhythmic breathing (and Mckays snoring).
As I watched them I thought about each one of them individually and all the good that they are, all that each of them have struggled with and made it through, the things we've struggled with together and the joy and happiness that each of them have given to me. Tears rolled down my cheeks, my heart was so full. Full of love and gratitude for each day that I have been able to be their Mom. For all that they have shown me and taught me. What a gift it is to experience life through their eyes. And then came feelings of fear, worry, doubt. 
I fear the future for them, I worry about them, I worry about the job I'm doing as their Mother. 
Am I doing enough? What should I be doing better, different?
Then a feeling and thought came, 

Just love them, make sure the know it and feel it. 

So simple, but important. 
The next day came and school was out, things went a long as usual. Livie woke up grumpy and still wasn't quite over her bout of the flu. She didn't want to wear clothes, or eat breakfast. There was some fighting, some attitude and a mom fail when we drove and drove in search of " glitter mountain " that we never found. 
But that sacred Mom experience from the night before carried me through all the ups and down of the day as I tried to focus on "just loving" them. 
Love really is powerful.
I'm so thankful to be a Mother and experience loving these little people in a way that I didn't even know existed until now. 


Friday, January 13, 2017

This and that...

It's been awhile! Where to even start? The last few months have been full and busy, which is pretty much the normal. Life doesn't really seem to slow down much these days. The kids are growing and getting busier and busier. But we manage to squeeze some fun in too. I often think of the quote by President Hinkley, "In all living have much fun and laughter, Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." I love this so much. I'm not always great at it, there's a lot of stuff that just has to be done, but I want to do better. Have more fun, and make more fun in the mundane.

The Holidays were great. Thanksgiving was a great time to be together with my family. We were all together, minus Gareth and Elliot, but the rest of us were together, which hasn't happened in years. It was really nice.
Christmas came and went so fast, like always. It was wonderful in so many ways. Every year brings new experiences, the kids are growing and changing and each year is a little different then last.
I just love everything about Christmas. It's always been my favorite time of year.
I'm so thankful for the reason we celebrate, the gift of our Savior Jesus Christ.
I love him dearly and am humbled daily by His grace and love.
All that I am and have is because of Him. I am far from perfect, but I'm
so thankful that each day is a new start to be a little better than
the day before.

It was so great watching the kids on Christmas. It really was the perfect day. They were thrilled with all of it. And the smiles on their faces and excitement in their eyes was priceless.

And here we are in January, a new year, a new start. I really love this time of year too, when I can start again and renew a bit. At this point the year seems so bright and hopeful and I'm excited to see where it goes, what lies ahead.
I painted Livie's  room did some major closet purging, whoo hoo!
On another note, Mckay has been one little sick boy this last week. High fever, turns
out it's the flu.  He's been down for about a week now, with little improvement.
My mama heart breaks a bit everytime I look at his peaked little face and sick eyes.
Praying and hoping for a breakthrough and some improvement soon!
And I guess that about sums it all up for awhile.

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Little boy, when you speak
I can’t help but kiss your cheeks
I love the way you grab my hands
And tell me all about your plans

Rocket high, comets fly
You and I could hitch a ride
And fly away to Neverland
And give our best to Peter Pan

When you reach for the stars
Don’t forget who you are
And please don’t turn around and grow up way too fast
See the sand in my grasp
From the first to the last
Every grain becomes a memory of the past
Oh, life’s an hourglass
Life’s an hourglass

Story’s read, prayer is said
Close your eyes sleepyhead
While angels linger in your dreams
And hold you in their feathered wings
Just like you, I was small
Not that long ago at all
I wish you all the happiness
That God gives freely if you ask

Mindy Gledhill

Saturday, October 22, 2016

The Bus


Oh how Mckay loves the bus! Oh how he loves riding the bus with his friend Carson. Every day at 12:10 we walk down our driveway and then cross the street and wait for it. Livie loves it too. We give him a hug and kiss and then watch for him to wave to us from the window inside the bus.
One day we had some errands to do in town, and were running a bit late. I told Mckay that we were probably not going to make the bus today. With big alligator tears, he said, "Then me and Carson can't do our secret hand shake!"
We haven't missed it since.

Thursday, October 6, 2016

The other day was such a great day.
Nothing extra special really happened.
It was pretty normal;
More messes
All the usual stuff, but as I was going about my day I felt such a peace in what I was doing.
Mundane, yes
A little boring at times, yes
Divine, Yes!
Sadly I don't feel this way all the time. I get caught up in getting the task done, and moving on.
It's not glamourous, it's quite the opposite at times.
But on this particular day I saw the divinity in what I was doing.
Trying my best to nurture and care for and teach along to way these precious little souls.
They are so amazing, they are smart, they have come to this earth with all that they need and it's up to me to teach and help them along.
I just feel so blessed to be a Mother. It's a wonderful privilege that I hold very close. 
I pray to be better at appreciating it for what it is,
and the moments that come.

Sadie Rae Rae

Dear Sadie,
You are such a joy to our family and to me. I want you to know how much I admire you and your goodness. There are so many times that I watch you and see your kindness and your genuine concern for others and I think, " I want to be like that." It really is one of your gifts that you have been given.
A kind heart
An understanding heart
A desire to lift others and help them.
This will be part of you that will bless those that know you.
You are smart, you work hard and you are brave.
You are willing to try new things.
You are quite witty and are always making me laugh with the things you do and say.
You have a smile that lights up your whole face.
You are mostly happy and rarely get grumpy but when you do, its hard for me to not laugh
at your grumpy face.
You have a stubborn streak, which is not all bad youknow. :)
You are quite snuggly and still love to be tucked in at night, which I love.
You love to bake cakes in your bakers oven, and are always thinking of fun games and things to play with Mckay and Livie.
You love to mountain bike and are quite good at it too.
You bought your first Ukulele and have been learning how to play it this past summer.
I love you my Sadie girl and am so lucky to be your Mom. You've taught me so much about love and kindness and many more things.
I hope for you to be happy, to believe in God, to get to know Him, to have Faith in Him
and to include Him in your life and all that you do. He loves you and will always be there for you. He will help you and comfort you.
I love you and hope that you always remember how special and loved you are.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

15 years

15 years for us. In some ways I can't believe it and in some ways it feels just about right, when I think of all that had happened. 4 kids, several moves, so much happiness and some hard stuff too. To celebrate we went biking down south, our plan B. Plan A was backpacking in Kolob but didn't pan out.
We had a great time. Mountain biking is both terrible and awesome at the same time. It scares me at times and there's parts of the trail that I hate. But there's also parts that I love and the views make it all worth it. 
As I was riding, I couldn't help but think about the parallels between life, even marriage, and mountain biking. Super cliche I know, but so true. 
So many ups and downs.
Hard and easy parts.
Scary parts where I get hurt a little
Parts where I want to quit.
But also amazing views along the way if I'm looking up long enough to notice. 
How thankful I am for the hard that makes me appreciate the good and for the beautiful moments in my life. 
Marrying Jake is at the top of the list for sure. ❤️