The other night I went to check on each of the kids before bed and instead of the routine quick check I stayed there a minute and watched each of them sleep for a minute. I watched their sweet, peaceful faces and listened to their calm, rhythmic breathing (and Mckays snoring).
As I watched them I thought about each one of them individually and all the good that they are, all that each of them have struggled with and made it through, the things we've struggled with together and the joy and happiness that each of them have given to me. Tears rolled down my cheeks, my heart was so full. Full of love and gratitude for each day that I have been able to be their Mom. For all that they have shown me and taught me. What a gift it is to experience life through their eyes. And then came feelings of fear, worry, doubt.
I fear the future for them, I worry about them, I worry about the job I'm doing as their Mother.
Am I doing enough? What should I be doing better, different?
Then a feeling and thought came,
Just love them, make sure the know it and feel it.
So simple, but important.
The next day came and school was out, things went a long as usual. Livie woke up grumpy and still wasn't quite over her bout of the flu. She didn't want to wear clothes, or eat breakfast. There was some fighting, some attitude and a mom fail when we drove and drove in search of " glitter mountain " that we never found.
But that sacred Mom experience from the night before carried me through all the ups and down of the day as I tried to focus on "just loving" them.
Love really is powerful.
I'm so thankful to be a Mother and experience loving these little people in a way that I didn't even know existed until now.
